Self re-Discovery

First of all, Happy Eid Mubarak to everyone who celebrates - myself included. If it's so hard to do  it before, let this day be the day for you to let go and forgive others but remember to not exclude yourself to receive some forgiveness too. Forgive yourself first, love yourself first. It's also been more than two months for me staying at home. Bored? Obviously. Anxious? No doubt. But strangely speaking, I feel content too. My guess, I've been dealing with it one step at a time and I can finally able to see the end of it. Peace. The anxiety comes back once in awhile but I no longer feel the need to fight back, so I accept it. And it's gone sooner than I thought it would.

I've been skipping Corona virus updates for awhile to ease my anxiety

I know some of you probably feel the same. At the first phase of quarantine - mid March, I also felt like I'm losing some sense in me. The feeling of -'few seconds more than this, I'm gonna lose it' constantly reached my mind. No amount of video calls could help. I wanted to go out, but going out made me dizzy. I treated everyone like a carrier even my family members. I spent a crazy ton of time scrolling through e-commerces and a crazy ton more of money to redecorate my room. Just for the sake of 'I'm doing everything I could to stay sane!'

Generally work from home long before Corona virus happened doesn't help much with the restlessness. Being forced to stay home is totally different from having options to go out. So when I finally discovered that shopping only helps for a very short moment, I did other things I should do from the very beginning. Find a new hobby. Most people on Instagram has discovered their new talents such as cooking, gardening, or even crafting. I tried doing embroidery for a while and I successfully made two beautiful embroidered masks that I posted on my Instagram account. But doing embroidery is not exactly new thing for me. I did a lot of it few years back in middle school, and it was actually my favorite subject. And for a while, I thought I don't have a new thing -that I can do at home, to try and that's too sad. Cooking, I have a bakery shop since long before quarantine days and I cook everyday because it's my job. Gardening, my house rooftop is basically a hydroponic garden and it's also happened long before quarantine days.

So instead of found a new hobby, I discovered that I find my old self wanted to make an appearance. Back in 2013 when there're only few cafes to visit and no money to travel, I spent a lot of time taking outfit pictures at home. And I had a lot of outfit pictures back then. It was a time when I only thought about what to mix and match and doesn't actually care about the background of my outfit pictures. Nowadays, I don't have lot of them because I always busy looking for new cafe to visit so my outfit pictures look more... shopisticated? Being at home makes me rediscover that old self. It's almost feel like everyone will -somehow understand when I take pictures at the exact same spot everyday because of this whole quarantine situation. And the good thing is, I can focus more on fashion styling instead of being stuck with the thought of having to take pictures with cool background, etc.


Aside from that, I also could write an awfully long monologue about how upset I am with how the government handle this Corona virus situation. But today is a happy day. I shall write about my gratitude instead of rumbling about how annoyed I was with some ignorant people out there. And today, I'm grateful that I'm still here. My family is still here. Breathing well and safe at home. I'm grateful that I'm still able to write this and tell you that we are all in this together. Don't be selfish., don't lose hope. Stay safe and spread love, peeps!

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